Behold the Power of Stupid
George Reed, for Clean-up on Aisle Four
Today we will look at several things that happened this week that defy sentience. These items, while fantastically outrageous are not satire or fiction. Sadly, we must report that all of this actually occurred. Our elected representatives are strangely silent for the most part, aside from Senator Joe Donnelly who is voting against many of the more foolish items that have crossed his path. (Thanks Joe!)
The list, to be known as the “Weekly Power of Stupid Club” is in no particular order:
- That’s a Prayer? For sixty or so years the leaders of multiple faith-based organizations have come to Washington, DC to join the President and Senior advisers for a plate of waffles and conversations that surround the challenges facing their organizations and how the government can assist—through action or just getting out of the way. Such a National Prayer Breakfast convened again this year, but the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Trump Circus just had to intervene to make it an embarrassing, pointless affair. President Trump, bereft of dignity or the ability to follow his teleprompter, went off script and used the podium to Mock his successor on the reality show “The Apprentice.” He asked people to pray for Arnold Schwarzenegger to get better ratings. Really?! Mr. President, over 121,000 people died through acts of violence in the world last weekend–and the best you offer is to tell a gathering of 60 faith leaders that the most important thing to pray for is higher TV ratings? Wow.
- C’mon Kellyanne! What planet is the Queen of Crack on? She took to the airwaves this week to decry that no one mentions President Obama banning Iraqi refugees in 2009 after two of them conducted a massacre in Bowling Green. Well, no, Ms. Conway, no one mentions that because it never occurred. Nothing like it occurred. You need to fire your senior assistants for not handcuffing you to a radiator in the West Wing rather than let you out of the padded cell to blather this load of old tosh on live TV.
- Wakey, Wakey President! It’s time to blow up the world! While President orange got his beauty sleep (p.s. it did not work, Chiefie) a bunch of women and children and a Navy Seal were killed in a raid on an ISIS camp in Yemen. This raid had been ruled out by President Obama because the Intel was sketchy and there was a full moon. Fast forward to the new full moon and President Bannon was down in the Situation room pressing buttons whilst the guy with small hands was catching a few z’s in the West Wing. It turns out the Military is saying they still had craptastic intelligence reporting, the moon was still full, and everything went wrong. Sleep well Murica…
- Let’s give Machine Guns to freshly-released schizophrenics! So President Obama’s administration put in restrictions on the sale of firearms to certified schizophrenics. Congress just repealed that rule. Don’t get me wrong, I like guns and I am good with them (Go Army!) and yet I think we can all get behind not handing machine guns to crazy people without a second look, can’t we? All that rule did was require that the Social Security Administration comply with background check requests and disclose mental impairments. These are people with medically certified cases of crazy trying to buy automatic weapons. 235 members of Congress decided we should hand out guns at the asylum. You really can’t make this stuff up!
- Throw your toys out of the pram and go home! I have been bashing (deservedly so) the Republican Congress and White House in this blog. But let me open up a big can of fair and smack the Democrats in the Senate for acting like a 5 year old who lost at checkers and throws the board on the floor. The Republicans won, and you are not stopping any of the nominees—Not even the Billionaire Babe who will destroy public education. So your answer was to boycott sessions in committee thinking it would prevent confirmation. Well you are about as bright as an M1-Tank with a kick-stand because the Republicans simply suspended voting rules in your absence and passed the nominees through. So you couldn’t stop the confirmations, you didn’t get a voice in the conversation, and your constituents watched you act like a baby throwing it’s bowl off the high chair. I wonder how you could have lost the majority? O, wait…
- The White House is making North Korea look smooth… Is it just me or does the White House Press Secretary make the Head Propaganda mouthpiece in North Korea look smooth? Those guys over there have the same message all the time. Nukes good, South bad, US Bad. It is reliable. The White House? Not so much. Between alternative facts, position flip-flops, and the random excuse generator, we are left to wonder who is drinking water (from Flint, Michigan) while Mr. Spicer speaks. The White house announcing that their team will no longer speak on CNN did not have the desired effect of punishing the network. Indeed, the response was of the “CNN welcomes all such changes that inherently improve the veracity of the content on our Network” variety.
- Betsy DeVos – Proof that Idiocracy is our new norm. So let us imagine a world where the daughter of a billionaire, who married a billionaire, is bored because handing out millions to republicans in order to keep her taxes low has somehow lost its thrill. Imagine she has never set foot in a public school as either a student or a teacher. Imagine that an orange toupee with feet has nominated her to the job of Secretary of Education—to oversee the schools she has never set foot in as either a teacher or a student. Imagine a congress that catches her is acts of plagiarism in her written words. Imagine that this congress will, on Monday, confirm this billionaire babe despite her dishonesty, lack of understanding of all things education, and complete disregard for the public school system. Turns out, you are not imagining anything because it is happening. Welcome to the Idiocracy of America.
- Nice tantrum—er—Diplomacy. Back in the old days (That ended around noon on 20 January 2017) we could count on the Department of State and the White House to conduct diplomatic affairs with, well, diplomacy. Even when we did not get along with our foreign friends, we could have a conversation and work towards a consensus all can live with. Not so much with that now. The President fired the Ambassadors, hired an Exxon CEO to be Secretary of State, smiled as 98% of the top brass in the State Department left the building to shop elsewhere, and has taken to yelling at foreign leaders via phone and twitter. Have we mentioned some patriot needs to drop the President’s phone into a fish tank? Yes, well. Anyway, the European Union, China, Korea, the Middle East, Canada, Mexico, and several Walmarts have come forward to denounce the Trump Administration and the tantrums by the President. Who would have thought the People of Walmart would be more classy that the POTUS. Go Figure. When is dignity and decorum going to return to matters Diplomatic? Le Sigh.
- All Hail President Bannon. We’ll finish up with a few words about the Nazi behind the throne, Steve Bannon. With no legal, political, governmental, and only limited military experience*, this clown-car has landed a permanent seat on President Trumps National Security Council. The Director of National Intelligence and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff got the boot, but this guy gets a chair. For those not in the know, this is the dark room that decides who gets assassinated. What is his next prezzie, the launch codes?
That’s all for now, folks, but we’ll be back next week with another new list, because we cannot possibly catch all the stupid in one blog post. Stay strong, stay vigilant and speak out!
*7 years of Navy Service, in which one might reasonably reach the rank of 03, or Lieutenant